作为婚姻咨询师多年，我的结论是，有五种“爱情措辞”，即人们用来表达和理解爱意的五种办法。
Words of affirmation/肯定言辞
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, \"大众The tongue has the power of life and death\公众 (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other.
表达爱意，个中一种办法便是利用肯定的话语。古希伯来聪慧文学《箴言》作者所罗门曾写道：舌头有生杀之力。很多夫妻从来都不知道，用言语肯定对方，这有着巨大的力量。
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:
赞颂之词，欣赏之语，是有力的爱意表达工具。最好是用直截简洁的陈述办法：
\"大众You look sharp in that suit.\公众
\"大众Do you ever look incredible in that dress! Wow!\"大众
\公众I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work.\"大众
\公众You can always make me laugh.\"大众
“你穿那套西装太帅了！
”
“你穿那件裙子切实其实便是美得让人难以置信，哇哦！
”
“你总是能定时来接我放工，我太幸福了”
“你总是能让我合不拢腿嘴”
Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one's spouse. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.
肯定言辞是爱情的五种基本措辞之一。但在这门“措辞”中，还有很多“方言”。然而，所有这些方言都有一个共同点：用话语来肯定对方。生理学家William James曾说过，人类最深层的需求可能便是对被理解被欣赏的需求。对很多人来说，肯定话语将能够知足这一需求。
Quality time/存心陪伴
By \"大众quality time,\"大众 I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.
这里的 Quality Time，我是说要把全部把稳力放在对方身上。我并不是说要坐在沙发上一起看电视。当这样一起看电视时，你的把稳力是放在了 Netflix 或 HBO 等频道上，而不是爱人身上。我的意思是，坐在沙发上，关掉电视，看着对方，一起说话，把其他分散把稳力的东西都收起来，把所有把稳力都放在对方身上。也或者，一起散个步，就你们二人，也或者一起出去吃个饭，边用饭边看着对方边谈天。
Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate's primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time.
韶光是一件宝贵的商品。我们都有很多要做的事，但每个人每天拥有的韶光却都是一样的。我们可以将个中一些韶光用在爱人身上，充分发挥这些韶光的代价。如果你爱人的紧张爱情措辞是“存心陪伴”，那么她就只想要你，让你陪着，一起度过一段光阴。
Receiving gifts/收到礼物
Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.
从古至今，所有环绕爱这一主题而写的作品都显示，爱的真谛是给予。爱的五种基本措辞都哀求我们给予对方一些东西，但对一些人而言，礼物，这种看得见摸得着的爱的象征，是最有力的。
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, \公众Look, he was thinking of me,\"大众 or, \公众She remembered me.\公众 You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.
礼物，是指某样你可以拿在手里，让你说：“看，他当时正在想我哎”或“她当时想起我了”的物品。只有想到了某人，才会想到给他/她一件礼物。礼物本身便是这种“想到对方”的一个象征。
It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.
贵重与否并不主要，主要的是你想到了她/他。而宝贵之处也并非这种只存在于大脑中的思维活动，而是你将这一思绪付诸行动：取得这一礼物，并作为爱的礼物送出。
But what of the person who says, \公众I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn't come naturally for me.\"大众 Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your spouse speak different love languages.
但如果一个人说：我不会送礼物的。我从小并没有收到过很多礼物，也从没学会该怎么挑礼物。我没有送礼物的天赋.”
那么恭喜，在成为精良爱人之路上，你已经完成了第一个大创造：你和你的爱人之间，说着不同的爱情措辞。
Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.
你现在既然已经创造了这一点，那么就试着去学习你的“第二爱情措辞”吧！
如果你爱人的“紧张爱情措辞”是收礼物，你可以让自己成为一个送礼高手。实际上，礼物，是最大略的爱情措辞之一。
Acts of service/效劳之举
By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.
效劳之举，是指做一些对方想让你做的事情。通过为对方干工作，媚谄她，表达你的爱。
Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.
比如：做顿饭、摆桌子、从洗碗机里把碗碟拿出来、吸尘、给孩子换纸尿裤、拿处方、保养车子等，都是为对方效劳的行为。它们须要有这个心意、方案、韶光、努力和精力等。如果是积极主动愉快去做这些事，那么它们便是爱的表达办法。
A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. If your spouse's love language is acts of service, then \公众actions speak louder than words.\"大众
为更有效地表达爱，须要主动去核阅并改变自己（对丈夫或妻子角色）的固化成见（老公就该当……老婆就该当……）。记住，坚守固化成见，毫无益处。但知足爱人的情绪需求，却有巨大益处。如果爱人的爱情措辞是“效劳之举”，那么对她而言，“行动比措辞更响亮”。
Physical touch/肢体打仗
We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, stroked and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.
我们良久以来都知道肢体打仗是一种爱意表达办法。儿童发育领域的无数的研究都表明，与长期无身体打仗的婴儿比较，常被抱、爱抚、亲吻的婴儿会有更康健的情绪。
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.
肢体打仗同时也是婚姻中表达爱意的强有力工具。牵手、亲吻、拥抱和性爱等都是向对方表达爱意的办法。对一些人而言，肢体打仗是他们的紧张爱情措辞。没有这些，他们会以为不被爱。有了这些，他们的感情存储罐才会被填满，他们才会对对方的爱更有安全感。
Implicit love touches require little time but much thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary love language and if you did not grow up in a \公众touching family.\"大众
日常生活中一些不经意的肢体打仗险些不用耗韶光，但却须要在心态上花心思转变，尤其是当你的紧张爱情措辞并非肢体打仗时，或者如果你的原生家庭也不是那种会有亲密肢体打仗的类型。
Sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite television program requires no additional time but may communicate your love loudly. Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a moment. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse.
看最喜好的电视节目时，牢牢挨坐在一起，这不须要额外花韶光，但也可以很响亮地表达你的爱意。当你走过爱人所在的房间时，触碰一下坐在那里的爱人，这也只需一定会会儿韶光。离家或回家时，肢体打仗只需一个大略的吻或拥抱即可，但对对方而言却意义深远。
Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.
一旦你创造你爱人的紧张爱情措辞是肢体打仗，那么唯一能限定你爱意表达办法的。就只有你的想象力了。
